Or What’s the Matter with Atlanta Drivers? Part 3
The stupid driver behaviors described here certainly aren’t unique to Atlanta, and one – the “driving hat” – is more likely to be found in other places, especially where there are plenty of retired folks. I’m not going to waste your time with the stupid driver tricks we’re all too familiar with, though, like texting, eating cereal, or reading a newspaper while driving.
The Rolling Roadblock
Ever hear of the rolling roadblock? I hadn’t heard of it until a radio fellow named Jim Gearhart up in New Jersey started complaining about them. Here’s how it works: You’re on the road, driving merrily along in the right lane at a few miles over the limit (hey, this is Atlanta!). Like many roads, this one has two lanes going your way and two coming the other way – a four-lane road. You come over the top of a hill (and there are plenty of hills in Atlanta!) and slam on the brakes – you’ve encountered a rolling roadblock. In front of you, in the right lane, is a happy motorist who’s doing precisely the speed limit, and next to him, in the passing lane, is some yutz who’s matching his speed, preventing anyone from passing.
Why do these people do this? There’s no consensus. Some folks seem to think they’re smugly self-righteous drivers who think that it’s their mission to make sure that nobody breaks the speed limit. Others think they’re just idiots. Whichever, they’re dangerous because they impede the flow of traffic. The standard was, at least when I was learning to drive, that you drove in the right lane and used the left lane only for passing, after which you returned to the right lane. I’m assured by reliable sources that the standard still exists, even though it’s usually ignored. Well, d’uh!
The Space Cadet
Related to the rolling roadblock is the moron who drives slower than the flow of traffic in some lane other than the rightmost lane. Now, if someone doesn’t want to keep up with the flow of traffic, or exceed the speed limit, that’s fine, and if I’m stuck behind them on a 2-lane road (one lane in each direction), I don’t bear any grudge. Really! I wait for a passing opportunity and move along, but I’m not going to develop a bad feeling for someone who’s obeying the law, even if they’re slowing me down in the process.
We generally use the term space cadet to describe anyone who’s so distracted by surrounding events that they’re only peripherally involved in what they’re actually doing, and it’s easy to call the right-lane dawdler a space cadet as well. At least he (or she) is following the rules, though. The people I’m calling space cadets here are those whose lack of attention to what they’re doing is putting others’ health and lives at risk. On a moderately busy road, every instance of space cadets – slower cars not in the right lane – slows down the rest of the traffic, potentially leading to congestion and accidents, and definitely leading to irritated drivers.
Driving Hats
Mentioning Gearhart reminds me of a New Jersey driving phenomenon I haven’t seen (yet) in Atlanta – the “driving hat.” This is seen with alarming frequency in South Jersey. You’ll be driving along and come up on a car – usually a Cadillac or a big Buick – where the only clue that there’s a driver is the presence of a hat where a driver’s head should be. As you pass the car (because it’s usually going about half the speed limit) you stare in wonder, because all that you can see, from any direction, is that hat! The only time you can be certain that there’s an actual person there is if you see them park and get out of the car – at which point you find out it’s a little old man or woman, apparently well into the triple digits in age, and just as frequently no more than five feet tall, if that.
Other annoying things drivers do
Well, again, where do I start? The driver who never learned about turn signals (my wife calls them indicators) or who thinks they’re unnecessary optional equipment in the car (unnecessary because he knows where he’s going). The idiot who, at twilight, turns on his parking lights only when all other drivers have turned on their headlights. Or his cousin, who doesn’t bother turning on his headlights until it’s pitch black outside, because he can see where he’s going. (Hey, stupid – it helps other people see you, you moron!) Related to these fools is the clown who leaves his lights off in the most drenching downpour, and likely for the same reason – he can see the road just fine.
I could probably go on and on, but I actually have to get back to some writing that will help pay the bills . . .
The Georgia Yankee 